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Saturday, November 19, 2016
Move From Being A Victim To Being A Survivor
That song where the lyrics say "A country boy can survive", has been running through my head. One day I would love to have a place of my own out in the country. I would like to able to live off the land as much as possible. I was born in the country, I was raised in the country, and country is in my blood.
I was laughed at in school because I was a country girl. I was told I was never going to amount to much. How could I? I was half blind, could barely hear, and fell over my own feet. Yet, I love to listen to music. Country, rock, rap, or whatever is playing. It didn't matter. As long as I had music. I was at peace. I knew I could push through whatever was thrown my way.
Teachers pretty much ignored me when I raised my hand. I wasn't pretty enough to be asked out. At least the boys didn’t think so. Not with having to wear think bug eye glasses and braces. Not like I was allowed to date any ways. I wasn't allowed to play any sports or join after school activities. It made it hard to make friends. I was book smart but lacked social skills. That is what happens when you don't get much socialization among your peers as a child.
I did better than what many expected. I completed high school. Walked up and received my diploma. I was proud. Married and had my first child. Life was looking up.
That didn't pan out. As my ex husband liked to womanize and the bar scene. I spent a few years trying to find myself and raise my son. In that time I manage to work to support us. I lived in a one bedroom apartment til I was able to purchase a house.
Eventually I got with my estranged husband. I had two kids with him before we married. That was one of the worst things I could of ever done. I hit a snag when he shot me on our first anniversary. We had placed our two weeks notice in at work that morning. Had plans and already started packing to move to Florida. Where his parents lived. I was blinded by what I thought was love and followed him.
Little did I know what kind of hell I was going in to. Things got real bad pretty quick. I won't bore you with the details. My gunshot wound was worse than what I expected. It was permanent. I was living in a different state 1200 miles away from anyone I knew. I have no support. Once I took those rose colored glasses off. I realized my estranged husband wasn't what I thought he was. I fell into a depression. I cried for days on end.
I prayed every day. Til I was able to move back to my home state. It took me 8 months to get on my feet to get my own place. I haven't looked back since. I have come along way. I may not be everyone's cup of tea. One thing I have learned. I don't need to be. I am me. I am a survivor. I am not a victim anymore. I may get knocked down. I am willing to get back up and try again. I may not be where I want to be in life right now. Yet something tells me I will be.
I have three beautiful children. One handsome grandson, and a boyfriend who has shown me what true love is really all about. He will do whatever he can to protect me. I love him to death for it. He took a broken woman and showed me how beautiful I have been all along. As long as I have them. I have everything a woman could want. Will we make it? Only time will tell.
I wish all those people who have doubted me all my life, would find happiness and love of their own.
That song saying "a country boy can survive". So can a country girl. I am living proof.
Photos from Pixabay, a free use photo sharing website.
Posted by Sandy KS