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Thursday, June 15, 2017

She is a Child She Is Not To Blame

This is the continuation from where I left off at "He made my daughter get in the car." 

I just found out my ex-fiance had made my special needs daughter get in the car down at the bus pick up. By this point my nerves are shot. I had to make a decision and fast. Every bad scenario was flashing through my brain. I kept thinking what was I taught to do in case something like this happened. 

When my son came home, I told him to go to his room. He did not have to shut his door. He could listen to what I had to say to his sister but I didn't want him to say a word. As I wanted my daughter to feel comfortable enough to tell me what was going on. I could see the confusion on his face as he shook his head in agreement and went to his room. He left his door open.

Luckily, my daughter came strolling up the street before I could complete my thought process. Those few minutes was probably the longest minutes I have ever experienced in my life. Relief washed over me.

As soon as my daughter walked through the front door, I let her know we needed to have a serious talk. I started asking her the same questions I have asked her countless times before. Such as: Has anyone touched you in your private spots? Have you touched anyone in their private areas? Etc. All questions came with a swift no. Yet, I knew better because I saw the videos. 

I finally decided to get the point. I told my daughter,"I know what happen. I know he made you get in the car." She started crying. At that point she knew I was aware of what had been happening. I asked her what my ex-fiance said to her in his car. She told me he had told her to say it was Brain, his brother. Not him. I looked at her and asked her if she thought I was dumb as I started playing the video. I asked her if she thought I couldn't recognize my own daughter or what my ex-fiance's member looked like. 

I kept my voice calm the entire time I was questioning my daughter. She was crying and getting defensive. She started screaming I was blaming her. I quickly reassured her that I was not blaming her as I gave her a hug. That she was not to blame. That she was the child. He was an adult. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He did not care about her or me. He cared about himself. I did not blame her. As she was not the one in control.

I asked her if she wanted me to call the police. She said no. I asked her why not? As she stared at me I asked her if she wanted the same thing that happened to her to happen to another little girl because it would if we didn't call the police to stop it. She said no. She was scared. That is when I told her she doesn't have a choice. That I had already called the police. I was waiting for them to show up. My daughter ran to her room. 


I am going to stop writing for today. I will continue tomorrow. This is therapeutic writing but it is hard and relieving the ordeal does take a toll on me. I am writing this in hopes to help others. Even if it is as simple as letting them they are not alone. If this is happening to you or your family. You must speak out and speak up to get it to stop.

All photos are from, a free use photo web sharing website.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

He Made My Daughter Get In The Car

I think back to the day I found out my ex-fiance was sexually messing around with my special needs daughter. I think about how I reacted and what I did. What I should have done differently. I wish I could go back and fix my mistakes.

The moment I heard the Amber Alert. I turned it off on my phone. I still heard another going off. I searched for the phone. I found an old phone that can only be accessed by wifi hidden inside the couch. I turned the Amber Alert off and started going through the phone. I want to mention if you have it set up on your phone for Amber Alerts, your phone will give an alert even if the sound is turned off. That was the only way I found out what was happening to my daughter.

I started going through the phone when I came across several videos that showed my ex-fiance messing with my daughter. I will not go into detail about what I saw in those videos. As those videos will haunt me for the rest of my life. I will tell you my whole body started shaking like crazy. My whole world came crashing down.

The first mistake I made was sending my ex-fiance a text saying I saw the videos. He texted back asking what videos. I replied you know exactly what videos I am talking about on the old phone hidden inside the couch. He immediately called me. The same thing was said over the phone as it was in the texts. Except he told me he was coming home.  I should have never tried to confront him. I should have never sent him that text. I should have contacted the police right away.

After I hung up the phone, I realize my mistake. I immediately called the local cops. I told them I found a phone with videos where my fiance was messing with my special needs daughter. I was told someone would be out to the house. 

During the wait, I was freaking out. I was wondering what if my ex-fiance got to the house first. He would deny it and destroy the phone. I was trying to think of a way to still have proof if my ex-fiance destroyed the phone. What did this momma do? I used my phone and recorded each video. You can clearly see my head in the video as I explained I was going to video the videos and why. That was probably one of the smartest things I ever did. 

As I looked at the time, I was freaking out and shaking like crazy. As I was wondering who would be at the house first: my ex-fiance, my teenagers or the police.

My ex-fiance was the first to arrive at the house. He came in and wanted to see the video. All he kept saying was it was his brother over and over again. His brother and his brother's girlfriend was arrested a year prior to this happening by the FBI and local police in my living room. That is another story for a different time. I asked if it was his brother why was my daughter saying his name over and over. He tried to tell me I was hearing her wrong. She was saying bat not Matt. I knew better. So, I asked him if his manhood looked exactly like his brothers. His response was classic. He tried to tell me it was and he would prove it if he had pictures. I laughed because I knew he was lying and trying to trick me. He also kept telling me to break the phone. I wouldn't. He grabbed the phone. I don't know what he did with it.

All this lead into a conversation while he stood in the doorway. I don't remember everything. I do remember telling him he had to leave. As he kept asking when he could come back home. I told him I had to talk with my daughter first, to hear what she had to say. It took everything I had to sit on the couch and let him think he was in control.

He asked if he could get some of his stuff from the bedroom. I said no. As I knew there were guns in the bedroom. I was shot by an ex-husband and I kept thinking if I allowed him to go to the bedroom. He would kill me to cover all this up. I was afraid as I stood my ground about him leaving. I had the same feeling wash over me as the night I was shot by my ex-husband. I was relieved when he left.

Within fifteen minutes the teenagers were getting off the bus. My teen son walked through the door and informed me that my ex-fiance had told him to walk home. As he told my daughter to get in the car. The thoughts and fear going through my head were unbelievable. Fear was no longer for me. I feared for my daughter. I was debating on what to do next.  

That is all I am writing about today. As I notice the time. I need to go pick my daughter up from summer school. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Back To Writing

I am slowly getting back to writing blogs again. I plan on doing a little writing each morning. The past few months have been extremely rough around my home. I took a break from blogging because I did not have the energy and could not get my thought process to think about anything but the pain. I am determined to not let the past defeat me or define who I am. I am a blogger, photographer, a mother, and a woman.

A little recap: A few months ago, I learned my ex-fiance and the perfect man was a monster in disguise. He had been sexually abusing my daughter for several years. The only reason I found out is thanks to an Amber alert going off on an old phone he took several videos on. If it wasn't for that Amber alert, I would have never found out.

A week or so before finding out, I started praying to God. I had tears in my eyes and shakiness in my voice. I prayed to God that I wanted my little girl back. I knew she was screaming for my help and attention but I had no clue what she was trying to tell me. I got exactly what I asked for.

 When you say a prayer, make sure you really are looking for the answer because God will give it to you. It may not be in the way you choose or a way you would even think of. God will answer your prayer just the same.

I'm not trying to make this a religious post. As I know not all my readers believe in God or believe in the same things as I do. Heck, my teenage son doesn't believe in God at all. he chooses to believe in Science. I am trying to tell my story from when my world came crashing down around me to the point where I could do nothing but cry. I was broken. I still am broken. Yet, I choose to put myself back together. Even though I know it will get worse before it gets better.

Til another blog, where I will divulge more. 

Photos from Pixabay, a free use photo sharing website.